Increasing by 50%

Meaningful talk with my Psych., and the outcome is a 50% increase in BP medication. He told me what it can do and what it cannot do. My questions were in line with the questions he is asked regularly. I take some 'comfort' in this, because it means that I am not alone in my view of: the world, my illness, my medication, my fears, my personal expectations etc.

He confronted me with my outlook on how I behave in personal relationships and made me examine my approach to problems and using the 'no' word. He has personal experience in this matter. Therefore I give his views far more credence than I would normally do.

My 'survival' techniques were correctly performed when I plummeted a week or so ago. My positive reaction to a negative need was just what he wanted me to do. I have to be vague here because of deep personal turmoil. I can say that what was a possibility/probability, became a non-starter.

The pain of the mind is as bad as the pain of the body. Seeing a broken leg makes it easy for onlookers. Not seeing a broken mind makes it impossible for anyone but the sufferer. I'm now on 'increased' help. Let's see how I get on.

Coping with the un-cope-able

A truly bad 2 weeks!! Two events 'conspired' to bring me to my knees. Each event was instigated on its own, but being together, they put me on the receiving end of a double smashing of my mind, my emotions, my self esteem, my self confidence, my days. No steps forward and 5 steps back!
I was swirling around and down the upper edges of a cone shaped miasma; unable to stop myself as I plummeted down, whilst trying to claw onto the side of the cone. I needed urgent help and the Samaritans were my saving lifeline.
Not a life threatening episode, but a blood-letting 'need.' How to cope with the dark days of the un-cope-able? Knowing the release of blood brings euphoria of an unnatural kind. Feeling the pain releasing the anger of what cannot be fought. Taking the mind away from the devils in the brain. In short, diversionary tactics for a mind in torment.
I'm to see my 'specialist' in a couple of days and I want to know what can be done with my medication. I feel that the problem comes under the 'label' of clinical depression rather than Bipolar. It isn't a mood swing, it's a nosedive into a pit.