#8

I decreased the Mirtazapine, (Zispin) and I paid for it. So I have had to increase the Mirtazapine again. It means that my brain is slowly improving my mood. Seratonin is the key to mood enhancement.

I chatted today with a friend whose husband has descended into depression. He only wants the four walls around him. I know this feeling only too well. He has no appetite. I know this feeling too. He's lost a lot of weight. He's had one session with a psychologist. It was a great help to him to know that "she got it." He's found someone who knows what he's talking about.

I warned my friend that her husband will be a lot worse before he gets better. The talking cure is good, but it requires one to lay bare, everything. He will have to look deep within himself and see all the gunge, crap, guilt, burdensome feelings, lost self-esteem and self-confidence that is him, at the moment.

He can only build himself up by digging right down to his foundations. Happily, she fully understood what I was saying. Her husband is going through the 'man' issues that accompany depression. I told her that the mantra, 'big boys don't cry,' is a load of bollocks. Her husband has to let go of his reserve and let the flood gates open.

We were in a small group and discussing various 'conditions,' including cancers. Out of five people in the room four have some form of cancer. The enclosed room allowed us the freedom to speak openly, and without fear, of being 'told' by others, what to do. Empathy is in short supply in this world and an empathetic oasis is a real 'find.' My friend felt relaxed enough to open up to the group and to me especially, about her worries and concerns for her husband. So much so that, she sat back and asked questions outright, without any gentle preamble, or waltzing round the bushes. However, I needed to talk to her privately about one particular aspect of depression, which can cause alarm for family members. She was concerned to hear of it, but accepted that it is actually a good indication of the level of depression being suffered. I cannot mention it here, yet, but #4, Cuts and Tears, grew from it.

There is still a stigma surrounding mental illness. If people have a problem with my illness, then it's their problem. I couldn't give a toss about their embarrasment. They ain't been there and they ain't got a clue.